NOT SURE WHAT TO CALL IT...DRY SPELL?

Have you gone through a long period of time where you are both so tired, stressed and busy that playing under the sheets becomes overrated? are you going through a dry spell?

 I dislike these dry spells. I feel like we haven't had fun in quite some time. Maybe it has to do with our new bundle of joy? 9 months is new right? Or is it just an excuse? I feel I haven't had a intimate moment for a while now. Its always something. the heat wave is not making this better either. Ugg the climate!

Is there a good way to get this dry spell humid again? I think I commented to hubby the other day how sexy I felt and how much I wanted to have some fun under the sheets that night, he said " I don't work with schedules, I'm not a schedule kind of guy" . Is that the heat talking? I mean I hate to brake it to you buddy but I am your wife and I want some sex. It would be nice to have some fun. Put kids to sleep early and go at it! Everywhere! On the kitchen floor for god sake!

No excuses, I dont care about stress, the heat, the kids, the nothing right now! I just want  plain simple SEX. Fun and dirty SEX. I mean it is just a nice thought to be able to ask for it when you are married right? I mean I did when we were dating basically, with a little twinkle in the eye, and some perfume and heels I could get him in the sack in no time! What happened!


I feel like I just want to be able to sometimes schedule things like this. I don't want to wait any longer. A month is way to long.

Will this get worse? Is it ok that I fantasize with guys in my sleep? kiss kiss, love love, bang bang...

I HATE MY HUSBAND SYNDROME.

Have you ever gone through a couple of weeks where you think to yourself " Who is this man and why did I marry him? When all you want is to go have fun with your girlfriends and drink? Where you just want to disappear from the face of the Earth?

Every time I have a discussion with My husband I try not to FORGET that we used to be civil and quiet and lovey dovey with each other. We used to not want to let go of hands when walking down the busy streets of NYC. We thought we were invisible as a couple. When you are single with no kids, life is just simpler.

I think that one of the reasons parents fight is because its your responsibility to raise descent,  hard working , civil, understanding , polite, ambitious and strong human beings. The mere thought of fucking this up triggers fights between parents. Every parent carries their own bundle of problems, fears and  insecurities in their unconscious. Raising children a full time job.
We had a fight  triggered by our daughter and her bedtime. He was so pissed he went to bed without having dinner, as if he was punishing me for not eating what I cooked. I guess he put himself in a time out. He woke up this morning and didn't even say goodbye.  I sat after the fight last night and had dinner with a glass of wine and thought. " I hope this just passes by quickly, because I hate my husband right now.

When in a relationship where you are responsible for two human beings, is it ok for a mere second to  just want to not be married anymore? Will this urge to strangle your partner pass?

It is healthy to feel this way because at the end of the day, you realize that this was the person you chose to marry and the person you saw in your future helping you raise beautiful smart children. Also you will see that after the kids are grown up and gone to college the romance will come back, just hold on to your pants for a couple more years and you will see it will all pay off.

Men don't change and you wont either. Just play the game, be strong and keep the fights to a minimum.  Remember to go out on date nights without kids and wear sexy heels. Maybe you'll even get laid tonight.

HOW ABOUT A LITTLE KISS...

Do you ever make up stories in your mind while walking or buying groceries of that little kiss...
That some days you feel like you need a little kiss from someone who you find so attractive and so sexy that you feel you are being unfaithful just because you thought of it?...

Are we aloud to be free to fantasize with some hunk than the one you married ten years ago. Someone who might actually think that farting in front of you is disrespectful. That taking a dump with the door open is not a casual thing, that picking his nose and making balls out of his buggers is NOT ok... especially when you know you will be vacuuming them the next day?

These little things of course happen when you have spent enough time with someone. Privacy or space doesn't mean anything anymore. Still would you date someone that on his first date farted and then laughed about it?  Probably not.

What is it about couples and the lack of respect when it comes sharing a space?  Do we mind? Do they even think that we mind? I am not sure what goes through that head when he does these things and ... yes he just farted while I sat right next to him watching our favorite TV show.
What is it about the lack of romance and excitement in the bedroom in the day to day life?

I have been thinking that I have completely been forgotten in the midst of having babies, raising them, taking care of  the household, being a personal assistant, making sure everyone is happy, cooking , cleaning, fighting about ...
the surprise bath that my daughter gets every night since she was born five years ago, running errands ( thank god for bank apps and their quick deposit... hurray for this!) going to the park etc etc etc. I have been forgotten, I feel I am just the assistant now. Do this, do that, not even a thank you anymore! And then to top it off being belittled by getting asked " what did you do all all day"?

So yes... I dream sometimes that one day brad pitt will run into me at the local pharmacy or park or bank and not say anything but just give me a kiss and tell me how much he has been thinking of me. I do! Is this wrong of me?

I am free to think and fantasize about anything I want. The dreams I vividly have of Brad Pitt kissing me all over are very sexy and they do make me very happy in my sleep. I sometimes think what is it that I can do to get the romance back. The fun back. The things he did when he was trying to get me in the sack the first time, and the second and the third. The places and things we did when we had no kids and he was still thinking how he could enamour me so I would marry him and have his kids. What is it that couples lack these days? Is it trust?

Is the trust you have with your partner tearing you apart? Is the fact that you trust each other so much that you think that you would never leave him because of a little nose picking or farting under the sheets? I hate the farting under the sheets and the nose picking drives me up the wall! Yes the trust is the problem.

No I would not leave him for  such idiosyncrasies.


There is no marriage without trust though. So how do you divide the trust into two different things?

Lets call them Trust/respect     and trust/marriage

If I could just have him understand that all I want is a little kiss...

HAVE YOU EVER FELT LIKE THE ASSISTANT THAT MAKES NO MONEY?

I have to talk about this because lately I have been hearing my friends say that they all feel like the assistant that has a job but doesn't get paid for it. I feel like that sometimes too.

If you are wondering what I mean here is an example. 7:45 am take older daughter to school on the bus with other baby hanging of the stupid baby carrier, holding the folded stroller and the school backpack that the older daughter doesn't want to carry. and to top it off with sprinkles ( like my daughter would say) an umbrella. The only day I cant find a damn sitter it rains. This city is a nightmare with a baby when it rains.  I couldn't get the nanny to come in early that day so I had to take baby with me. In my bag the changing stuff, diapers, wipes a bottle, baby food,  you name it and all of the stuff I have to take to kinkos make a copy and fax to some guy I don't even know and then go to the bank and deposit a check, and then go to the super market because hubby cant live a day without his diet coke.  After all of this its already noon and I am pooped!
This is when I feel like I dont get paid well enough for this fulltime job. Because I suddenly get a call from hubby asking me some stupid question like... did you buy granola? and when I say no because you dont ever ask me for granola he says... tatatataaaaaaaaa

" what have you been doing all day"?

scenario one... hang up the phone and not answer texts or calls and just say it fell in a puddle and died.

scenario two... say whatever..( which in girl language means screw you) and then hang up the phone.

scenario three... say why don't you stop by the supermarket and choose the one you want because every time I choose you don't like something about it.

hahaha guess which one went down. Scenario two. I just can't stop myself from answering back!

I am a true believer in not swearing at each other because once you start there is no going back it just gets worse. Do I get paid for this job??? not really at least not in currency.  But I just wish we would be able to just not have them as the annoying boss who thinks you have been sitting at home picking your nose and looking at the ceiling doing nothing. Because that is when fire goes through my veins. When I am belittled. I don't sleep well, ever, even if the kids sleep through the night, I am always on call. So basically I am doing this job 24/7 no vacation no holidays off. give me a pager and punch me in the face!

I think again
I do not get paid enough to do this job.
whatever.

PICK UP AFTER YOURSELF

For this one instance of the day my older daughter is at school and the newest addition who is now two months is sleeping a long two hour nap. This house is a dream at this time. I get to sit down and have a cup of coffee, maybe take a peak at the Today show and write. I also use this time to pick up the mess from the am rush to school. Breakfast plate, that water cup the ended up under the bed, toothpaste all over the sink and some sticky stuff that I am still trying to figure out.

Sometimes I wish that this silence would last more than two hours. Also sometimes to be honest I

Most moms I know, the ones with help and the ones without always complain about their husbands mess. When I walk into the house and I hear the shower running and see at first glance my husbands sweater and jacket on the chair of the dining room and one on the stroller, this is followed by his pants on the floor, two socks a bit farther in and finally his underwear and the bathroom door shut. I would describe it as a path to the bathroom.  Kind of  " follow the yellow brick road"

Have you ever bitched about having to pick up after him? I have for sure almost everyday actually. It bothers me so much that sometimes I feel my blood bubbling inside my body about to scream and make a fight out of it. For some reason this fight is not worth the time, because he will simply never change.

In the spectrum of things this issue is one of the smaller ones. But I am a clean freak and it has become a very important thing to discuss. And he hates when I do it. He says that he has been working 12 hours straight and hates coming home to his wife bitching about his mess. Why can't he just take his clothes off and throw it in that huge basket I put in the closet, why wont he respect that it bothers me so much. Why does he think working long hours entitles him to being a mess every day at home.

So what to do ?

This is what I did and it partially worked. I just stopped picking up his clothes for two days and just left them wherever he threw them. I told my nanny not to pick them up either and to clean around the mess. By the third day he asked where his favorite jeans were. " I said maybe in one of those piles of clothes you left on the floor. Voila! there!!!! in a small but sure way he realized that if he just hung his pants to begin with he wouldn't have to scramble to find them. Since then he has been better about it.

In a relationship: " when is it OK to bitch about having to pick up after your man like another one of your kids?"

MANI PEDI AND SOUL CYCLING

Are you one of those  that always swore you would NOT let yourself go and look like shit when you had kids?

I was...

When I got married I used to wear heals to every place I went. Even to the dentist. I would always have my hair perfectly brushed, make up on and always have touch up gloss and lipstick in my purse. My manicures and pedicures were schedule weekly. I NEVER  had  hair popping out all over the place. I kept myself waxed perfectly brazilian and loved it. Everything was always in order. Waxing was a must in every possible part. I wore pretty clothes all the time and made it a rule to follow the fashion world and style magazine to keep up to date with what was in and what was out.

I got pregnant and still kept everything clean, especially close to my due date because I thought I had to look good for delivery. I even packed a descent bag for the hospital and did not forget makeup and brush and a nice robe for when visitors came to see the baby. The first month we had a baby nurse, I thought I could keep myself looking great. The problem was ... no one, and I say NO ONE told me about the episiotomy. I spent 6 weeks where I couldn't sit on my ass because of the carnage they had left down there. The woman who sewed me up, that other Dr in the practice that you see maybe once through out your whole pregnancy, arrived 45 minutes late to the delivery and totally destroyed the little bit of dignity I had in me at the time she sewed me up.

Sitting on a blowup donut for six weeks was not the greatest thing.  This mixed up with constipation that hurt like a mother, and my boobs engorging every two hours, it is a recipe for feeling really sorry for yourself.

5 years and two kids later I am starting to go back to that moment where I promised myself I would at least get pedicures and manicures every certain number of days, dress accordingly to the trends and try once in a while to wear sexy heals. Flats have become my best friend. I am very happy that those have not gone out of style yet. As you grow older and become a parent of two there is a war between letting yourself go back and keeping yourself looking good.

 Take arms my friends and don't feel sorry for yourself!!!!!!

Get up and say "I will try to at least wear some makeup when I leave the house! baby steps, baby steps.... next try thinking about wearing colors that match, and then the week later try looking for two seconds at the trends in fashion. I promise in a month your hubby will be the first to tell you...

You look great babes...

This is what I do.
I wake up earlier than both kids, 6:30 am, I go to the bathroom and put makeup on and earrings.
I try to think in advance the night before what I want to wear the next day.
Get a subscription to people style watch magazine on my ipad.
Schedule mani's and pedi's at least once every two weeks.
Exercise.
Choose one night every week to go out on a date with my husband, and make sure I look sexy even if I feel like crap.

I ran into someone the other day that was one of these moms. She said to me that she promised to keep up with her apperances and take care of herself. Get manis and pedis, highlights and haircuts, but now she just finds herself running after three kids and having no time for breathing. She goes to soul cycle three times a week and calls it therapy.

SMART, CUTE, FUN but SEXY????

Someone on the street just called me sexy...

Sexy is a word I haven't heard in a while actually. unless we are talking about Victoria Secret models , of course. I have heard Smart, cute, fun... but sexy? I realized that as of me being sexy, is something I forgot I could be.

I always talk about sexiness in my posts, wear the heels, wear the dress, look at yourself in the mirror before leaving the house, take care of yourself with Mani's and Pedi's, wear makeup etc etc etc. Being sexy is sometimes hard to be when you haven't slept enough,  running around all day with the kids doing errands, making sure they do their work for school, making sure they get their veggies, taking care of hubby, cooking and trying not to go crazy while you are at it. Some of us try to maintain a career while doing all this stuff also.

I forgot I can be sexy not only for myself but for the man that many years ago, swore to be with me for ever through thick and thin. Appearances are  important and of course beauty comes from inside, and this is what we teach our children, but keeping ourselves respectable is also a must.

I am not the type of girl to buy sexy lingerie and dance around in them at all. I guess if I ever did that it might feel funny. I feel my hubby would totally crack up laughing and ask me " what the hell are you doing?"  Even though I have friends that say it works like a charm. But hey I am so tired all the time now with two kids that dancing around like a dummy around the house in sexy underwear is not my thing. I am sad to say that my PJ's aren't even descent to start with. I should work on that investment.

The word sexy just hit me like a bat in the face. I thought to myself " really? I'm sexy?" I have in the past thought that my sexiness comes from my free spirited personality,goofiness, and my absolutely extroverted character. But not really from the way I look or carry myself in public. I guess I have a sexy body, because it has nothing to do with my boobs ( as I have but two mosquito bites). Was it the tight jeans I wore today? My hair down? My smile?
 I have also noticed that when I go out with my friends I work extra hard on looking like a sexy mama. Have you ever felt that you must look great when going out all girls, even more than when you have the nanny and date night lined up for Saturday night? Are girl competitive secretly even when it comes to just hanging out as girls?

Is putting more effort in making yourself look sexy on " girls night out" more than on date night make you unfaithful?